so many things unclear

whatever will be, will be.

well, well. just what is it going to be? it is time to send out applications again, and I am not quite sure what I am going to go for. there is many options, and as promising as they might sound, each one will exclude all the others. "listen to your heart", my courageous me says, but "think about security", my scared me says. "haha, fuck security"/"haha, fuck you"... (inner dialogue).

there is no such thing as security. it is one mighty delusion. this will be my affirmation for the weekend, and I am ready to jump off. my old life? a cliff? was it all that bad? oh, no, but... (inner dialogue).

what ever will be, will be. I just want some influence. my one superordinated goal is not quite clear to me, and with one of those in mind it is always easier to battle your way through the jungle.

well, going to yoga class now. maybe that'll help.