trouble sleeping

the thing with the occasional afternoon nap is that once you have rested too much, you will find no sleep that night. and so here I am, at half past two in the morning, wide awake and only a couple hours away from having to get up. at which point I will have fallen asleep. dammit. I feel like I know all of youtube's videos (the american idol contestants are so much better than the german ones that it's embarrassing!), I have caught up with the cheesiness that is "make me a supermodel", and I have read several blogs of people I have never met in my life. and it doesn't even feel weird to learn many an intimate detail about their lives, because it's just okay. people always seem to make a big deal out of protecting their privacy, and yes, some things I need not share or know, but in the end it is no harm knowing what tv show I enjoy or how I like my coffee. or even further, more personal details and opinions. I write about my life in my blog, but also in my prose or poems I give people to read. when I laugh and cry on stage, it sure is in a protected environment, yet I give up a certain amount of privacy by having an audience and allowing the critic (and the bold guy I hate!). the subtexts and personal connotations remain my secret, but the outcome is there for everyone to see. and I do enjoy that.

so, I am not worried that someone will read this and blame me for my sleeping in the afternoon. I really think no one cares.

well, maybe that's the real sad story here... ok, and off to bed now!