four a.m. and trouble sleeping

after a false appendix alarm made me realise that I do indeed have physical limits, I had a weekend full of little lessons in general living. cancelling a show sure felt awful, but the plentiful reassuring of the people around me made it ok. I felt like such a loser, my own body depriving me of all power. but when later that day I walked three steps, only to find they exhausted me so much I had to lay down and sleep for one hour, I was glad I had no audience. I feel better today, not perfect, but surprisingly calm and serene. it was okay. my friends and colleagues are amazing, I actually missed them when I was home for the one day.

later, I stayed in bed with a cup of lukewarm, flat coke and watched "studio 60". and once again my faith in mankind has been restored. kudos, mr sorkin, I am bowing my most humble thanks.

and now it's tuesday morning 4 am, and I am listening to corinne bailey rae's "trouble sleeping".

having the very same.