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and once again I have come to the point where I thought I could handle things right, thought I had been through them and would know better next time. and yet, every time the long distance thing kicks in again, I get mad for feeling all unprepared. when it's the lousy little things that I miss. and the pressure of making every precious moment when you are actually in the same city so darn precious, because you have to seize those lousy few days you have, - not so helpful. having a bad day on the one day you could arrange for yourselves to be with each other? well, that's horrible. but try and make nice, and it will get worse! now I am by myself again, and I got so bored I made lemon chicken roast. which would be enough for two, but alas, there is just me. not that I could not finish a roast by myself. I did. well. I feel sick now. from my lovely dinner. darn. I am also scared of this summer job I took, because it's something I have never done, and the other castmembers all have. I spent some time today on the rehearsal stage hitting my voice with an iron hammer, forcing it to the required heights. one scene I will have to play as on the verge of death. it sure sounds like it. I am looking forward to it, the last big part I played was scary as hell, too. I had recurring nightmares, and now it's good and great and I am happy to be doing it. feels like a mortgage I have to take in order to achieve something bigger than I can easily imagine right now. well, I shall ponder over this seemingly creepy metaphor for a while.
g'night.