feels like it's bleeding out

first of all: I love my job. I respect at least 58% of the people I work with here, and I will personally keep the bulding from burning down if I have to and work overtime without further ado. but the atmosphere sucks right now. there will be huge changes next season, new artistic directors and cast and all, and this of course means some people are leaving. I am going to miss some of them, and some not so much. it feels like no one is responsible any more, the old guys aren't here anymore, and the new guys haven't arrived yet. yet we are still here, and there is still work to do and premieres to prepare. it sucks. I did ask for a sabbatical, I didn't get it, and I wish I had. we had a great 4 years, with all kinds of ups and downs, but now there is barely any pulse left. I am glad to be gone in 3 weeks, doing my summer job elsewhere, where the spirit is high still. it's just sad it should be ending like this. people who have often proclaimed how sad it was we weren't better friends have now proven themselves irrelevant. what a waste, really.

as to my feared summer job: it has been a delight getting to know my fellow cast members. they have been very kind and welcoming, and it was very helpful because I have to dance. yes. I didn't know. no one ever told me. the contract says a c t o r. but the choreographer is very patient and gracious, and even though I feel extremely awkward, it is fun. the musical director is great, and I am enjoying myself profoundly. some of my colleagues are extremely experienced, but it is great to learn from them. and, in my field at least, I am no rookie, either. I will start rehearsing with them by the end of next week, and I am absolutely looking forward to it. I will be seeing my parents a lot, since I will be staying in my old appartement above theirs, and that will be difficult. think of the million traps from the past waiting for you. but my favourite coffee shop is on the way to the rehearsal stage, and that makes up for a lot. oh, yes, home. the stories I could tell. good times, bad times, sick times... I just remembered how good it was for all of us whenI finally startet living on my own back then. well. we shall see how that goes.