this sucks

so, finally there are pictures appearing of german soldiers acting like animals in afghanistan, too. and all the big shot politicians react exactly the way you'd expect them to: condemning in disbelief, horridly shocked.

when it is they who sent them.

if you set people on to each other in circumstances we only know from kubrick movies, you might want to consider an outcome according to these very factors. bestial situations tend to make people beasts. I wish it weren't so, and I wish to believe I would be smarter and stronger and better in a situation like this. but who can say that for sure? sitting in the desert for months and fighting people you don't know because someone else has decided they are to be fought, being surrounded by death and decay, being armed and trained to shoot-

as for the politicians- maybe you just really get what you give. so, all the head-shaking comments on the news and in the papers seem a little cheap to me.

this sucks.

I don't remember why...

it must have been months ago when I had nothing better to do than advertise my humble, random blogism on a site called 25peeps. apparently, it takes a while before one's picture is appearing there, and I had completely forgotten about it. and now I seem to be up against a lot of boobs. drawn ones, photoshopped ones, obvious ones and artsy ones. I do not expext to make it there for long. oh, well.

I know I haven't written too much lately, and nothing witty or interesting in particular, either. so, all you people not going for the boobs (for whatever noble reason): sorry. it's just that a lot of good stuff has actually happened to me lately, and I find it much more comforting to whine about the suck than praise my happy hours. those I celebrate offline, I guess.

I might easily complain about stuff, though (always!):

worst one today: at tonights performance, the gun that is repeatedly pointed at my head was not secured. I saw it in the very first scene and knew that there was nothing much I could do. the suspense was all method tonight! I didn't get shot, though. when I told the props guy, he acted as if it was totally unnecessary to worry about that. I told him that it was indeed totally necessary that he knew that him doing his fucking job was totally necessary, next time I would point that very gun at his sorry head. he understood.

and once more: being high-maintenance pays off. my sally earned me both respect and a secure gun tomorrow. mum, I know you're not reading this, but I am going to teach my kids to hit back. being nice kind of equals being a pushover (by the way, I hope ban ki moon's mum knew better!).

I could go on and on, like, how my otherwise so begrandmaed gym was flooded with underage muscle studs today (who needs to see those, really!), how I still cannot bear people talking during a movie, how the movie was kinda dull (yeah, they all wore prada, but it was not all that diabolic, really), how I tried in vain to pull the damn threads from my gums myself but the scissors were old and rusty,

but instead I am happy and will try and figure out the recipe for this quiche anne and I had in paris. she is coming tomorrow, and I shall not be posting sweet nothings for a while, and therefore be kicked off the 25peeps, and you can all go for 25boobs again.

night.

fucking software I bought

the new norton anti virus crap drives me crazy. it cost me 60 bucks and slowed my notebook way down. I used to have the 2005 version, and it was ok. now, it has a new task bar (in an UGLY design) that seems to be unremovable. I hate the fact that I am unable to run this the way I want, but the program acts as if it is smarter than me and needs to decide what's good for me. fuck it, I will not surrender to that kind of crap.

any suggestions, anyone?

friday, noon

oy, the lady from downstairs will not be pleased. we feng-shuied two thirds of my appartement, and obviously, I had been attached to too many things from my past! now the garbage is crammed full of lumber, and she will have difficulties disposing of her cabbage and coupons. but my place looks lovely, actually.

apart from that, I seem to be nervous for no reason. again. got a whole schedule of duties for the next couple of days, and none of them beyond my powers. oh, I pity the ones who don't know beppo, the roadsweeper. in moments like these, he's the guy to cling to. long road: one step, one sweep, one step... wise old man, that.

healing travel

everything seems much lighter once you enjoy some change of perspective. today, berlin is my most powerful antidepressant. I saw some breathtaking theatre, and I am glad to see the flame inside is burning still. strolling down the streets, with golden autumn light ridiculing my misanthropy, recreation has begun. so many people I met, some of them famous, and me being quite starstruck again, unable to complete any sensible sentence. how nice they were, though! some of them weird, like this old american couple who could easily have sprung from jonathan franzen's mind. and all of them fast and anonymous and minding their very own business, which I love the most at the moment.

and coffee tastes good again, much to my relief. life is good.