london

never do I want to see another film with the female lead wearing an oversized sweater in front of an oversized fridge, eating a pint of ben&jerry's because her marriage is falling apart.

apart from that, london is the same unbelievable place as always. I am starting work tomorrow, and I am excited. I have rediscovered the will to live over coffee this afternoon, and I have even started writing again. I have successfully pissed of some movie bullies and went for drinks with a stranger. i don't know jack, but I've got some time.

laters.

oh jolly memories

I was just taking a break from, well, doing nothing, when I suddenly remembered something that cracked me up big time and I had to laugh for a good ten minutes straight: my self drawn superhero comic attempt when I was about eight years old! he was called baki and looked like a slightly retarded obese nerd with a very bad hairdo. I don't exactly remember what his superpower was (did he have one!), but I do recall his giant red jumper, too big for his short, fat arms. oh, jolly.

well, yeah. just thought I'd. share.
that.

sigh.

today

I am so afraid of death
with the leaves so green
and all paths so unexplored

I want to eat the sun
and dance across all oceans
I want to howl like a thousand wolves
and keep silent like the tallest tree

I want to drink with all the peoples of the world
and wander alone in the mountains forever
I want to be a doctor, a painter, and a race driver,
a rich men's beggar, and a pauper's king

I want to live in each house in every country,
and sleep in trees and cut them down.
to then plant seeds and blind my eyes
so I could see the words of the almighty
and yell at him
"never enough, never enough!"

I want to get a taste of life
before I have to go.

and another season is over

we ended this one having a barbecue by the river. later, when the empty beer bottles were lined up like faithful little witnesses of the earlier festivity, and the torches were beginning to wear out, we got to talking about what may lie ahead of us. a bright, yet unknown summer is awaiting us, followed by the supposable last season the way we know it. it is exciting and as scary as it gets at the same time. what to predict for that last season? work, worries, anger, doubts and fears; but steadfast idealism and much love in the end.

sorry to those who think they are above that.

my hero

thank you, jürgen klinsmann. you are a good sport, and it was a hell of a time.

thursday morning, already 34 degrees

so the director called in sick, and I am on my summer break. now. just when I had managed to cope with another long long hours of heat in my black rehearsal coat, he cancelled the last week, and we shall continue in 5 weeks. it really took me by surprise, as I have to actually plan my summer now. so, still steak-stuffed from last night's barbecue, I adjusted my plans to my time and money capacities, and it's gonna be fine. ready for takeoff- landlord placated, plants all dead, worn out and tired of the city, new summer tunes on my ipod.

and yes, I was taken aback a little when I participated in this people's blogging behaviour study. "is it easy for you to get people to like you?" well, what does that have anything to do with it? I am not writing this for some stranger to fall in love with me, I am rather risking some weird opinion nazis to comment on my pretty private musings. I don't know. too much space in my head, I keep thoroughly thinking about every little incident that ever happens to me. maybe the liking-thing was what irked me most. I am aware that I have done that far too much before, and I am quitting. it's so much nicer. though, I will always engage in long and lost debates with random sect members in the precinct. I just cannot, cannot understand how so many (young!) people prefer to live with blinders and actually get mad at me for socratically weisenheimering them.
oh, that is so much fun.

because, if I can't sleep at night because the world is so full of wonderful weird things, neither shall you.