summer? anyone?

it's this time of year again. you forget to put the milk back in the refrigerator after your morning coffee, and by the time you get home at night it has turned into one vomity lump. I work in darkened, dusty rooms all day, and the damn director talked all the way through act three during this morning's dress. I cannot, cannot stand his endless anecdotes any more. enough. fullstop. time out. then I came home to an empty apartment (with only the aforementioned ex-milk waiting for me) and figured some solitary super soup might cheer me up. I thoroughly prepared all kinds of healthy, fresh ingredients and rubbed my eye right after chopping up some thai chili peppers. that's good fun, everyone. and apparently, one is not allowed to call the kids kids anymore. pisses them off. yes, they are all big and mature and all. well, except for mature, but who is mature, really. old cheddar cheese? and by the way: home is where my milk goes bad. maybe my milk is trying to tell me something here? wow. that only makes sense to a very, very few people now.

I don't even have time to do any kinds of sports and endorphine my way to at least chemical happiness. dammit. and sitting in make up before the rehearsal this morning, my make up guy told me I had a sunburn. from walking fifteen minutes to work. skin cancer, here I come. my dad has to wear a hemingway wannabe hat when on sunny vacation, and it's not pretty. and then, my brother called: he and his girlfriend and my girlfriend are going to this really cool concert of this really cool band I like tomorrow. apparently, they are living in the way cooler city. well, yes., we all knew that now, didn't we. and no milk for tomorrow's morning coffee. when this is my holy sacred and beloved moment. freshly ground single origin roast, and the day is still all new and yours to ruin. just me and my mug.

and no milk. dammit.

good day, this one

wow, the new bright eyes album made my day. and I am still swooning over the david ford debut album. simply wonderful. and the sun was shining all day long, and the rehearsal with the kids went really well- good. went to see "300" tonight and found it, hmm, okay. didn't know the spartians fought in their underwear. but if I looked like that naked, I would become a nudist, too. the dialogue was corny, but that's not what we came for, anyways. I always wonder how they can have those perfect hollywood teeth with all the fighting going on, and no proper dental care, but they had their own gollum. that was kind of cool. and xerxes looked fun, too. really sad how he got his cheek cut in the end, since plastic surgery hadn't been invented yet and you could tell he didn't necessarily think what's on the inside is important. and how do those ugly pervert priests climb up on this mountain of theirs, and what do they eat? phew.

my favourite line from conor oberst so far:

"all your friends and sedatives mean well, but make it worse,
every reassurance just magnifies the doubt
better find yourself a place to level out"

yay!

feels like it's bleeding out

first of all: I love my job. I respect at least 58% of the people I work with here, and I will personally keep the bulding from burning down if I have to and work overtime without further ado. but the atmosphere sucks right now. there will be huge changes next season, new artistic directors and cast and all, and this of course means some people are leaving. I am going to miss some of them, and some not so much. it feels like no one is responsible any more, the old guys aren't here anymore, and the new guys haven't arrived yet. yet we are still here, and there is still work to do and premieres to prepare. it sucks. I did ask for a sabbatical, I didn't get it, and I wish I had. we had a great 4 years, with all kinds of ups and downs, but now there is barely any pulse left. I am glad to be gone in 3 weeks, doing my summer job elsewhere, where the spirit is high still. it's just sad it should be ending like this. people who have often proclaimed how sad it was we weren't better friends have now proven themselves irrelevant. what a waste, really.

as to my feared summer job: it has been a delight getting to know my fellow cast members. they have been very kind and welcoming, and it was very helpful because I have to dance. yes. I didn't know. no one ever told me. the contract says a c t o r. but the choreographer is very patient and gracious, and even though I feel extremely awkward, it is fun. the musical director is great, and I am enjoying myself profoundly. some of my colleagues are extremely experienced, but it is great to learn from them. and, in my field at least, I am no rookie, either. I will start rehearsing with them by the end of next week, and I am absolutely looking forward to it. I will be seeing my parents a lot, since I will be staying in my old appartement above theirs, and that will be difficult. think of the million traps from the past waiting for you. but my favourite coffee shop is on the way to the rehearsal stage, and that makes up for a lot. oh, yes, home. the stories I could tell. good times, bad times, sick times... I just remembered how good it was for all of us whenI finally startet living on my own back then. well. we shall see how that goes.