my sad little dose of adrenaline today

this morning, I went to the nasty department store I wrote about earlier. the one with the escalators, you know. and when I had decided to rather have the cartridges for my printer refilled instead of buying new ones, I left with only the bottle of shampoo I had purchased before. on my way out, this thing on the exit started beeping, but then again, they do that sometimes, and I haven't shoplifted since I was nine (a brazil nut). I checked again, no beep this time, and I was about to leave the store. two seconds later, the security agent came up to me and asked me to show him the contents of my bag. now you have to know, I am no brave person sometimes. I immediately searched my brain for something I might have done wrong, but didn't find anything. plus, if anyone had smuggled anything into my bag there would be none of my fingerprints on there, now, would there. for a second I thought, hey wait a minute, don't you know who I am?, but really, most people don't, and he was one of them. so I let him ransack my bag. and he found lozenges, used hankies, some aspirin, and eye make up remover (it is absolutely essential in my job, it just is. you other blokes don't know). funny look from him. I didn't bother try to tell him why. unfortunately, I had taken my old socks out of the bag just about an hour ago.

well, of course, he found nothing (I wouldn't keep my prey in my bloody shoulder bag, anyway!), and he apologized.

I thought of how he would forever fail to compensate for the shame he had put upon me, but he was already gone.

I hate that store.

what a waste of brain space, really

when I checked my email this morning, I found a page long insult from some random person on youtube in my personal folder. apparently, having an opinion and trying to share it is very uncool on this site. he called me all kinds of names and let me know that he was right, and I was wrong. period. when I made the redundant effort of trying to tell him that this isn't exactly how I am used to debate, he called me another twenty names. which I looked up and therefore know now, just that I fear I might not really be the person to ever use them. I mean, ok, it's my own fault really, why the hell did I have to comment on anything at all, in the first place. but then I thought, I am open minded (I guess), and I try to be fair and make my points clear whilst trying to understand the others'. so why not expect that from others, as well. but that concept seems pretty lost on some people. I am just angry now how much time and thought I actually wasted, as this guy was never interested in argueing with me, he just wanted to load his big shit upon some idiot who would let him. didn't make me feel so good. and there is so many people like that. anonymous bloggers and members of some web communities, who on the one hand hide everything that might tell you anything real about them, but on the other hand post their oftentimes crude views on some matter and demand to be taken seriously.

get a grip, people, stand up for what you have to say, for crying out loud.

sunday

as I had no cash on me last night, I had to pay per card for the occasional after show drink. the thing is, they won't let you do this unless you have more than 14 bucks on your bill. the other thing is, we get half off there, so that a glass of red is 2 bucks. I’m feeling ill today.

this wasn't 50 words, I know, but it painfully ain't fiction, either.

fifty word fiction

reading a random person's blog, I stumbled upon a very neat idea: fifty word fiction. I shall hereby appeal to you people to start writing and posting. in a time where both time and time for stories are coming off badly, this might be just it.

go, people, create.

and I am butting in my first:

night. the pale moon shone sickly upon the acre. not far from him, her writhed body lay breathing heavily. he knew how excessively she would succumb to the confession she knew he was to make. sick at heart, he counted the minutes until intermission. he would miss the last bus.

one more

I am not going to continuously post funny links on my blog, but when I found this one, it left me dumbstruck, and I had to share it with you people.

is this actual advertising? does this dude exist? does he mistake this better-than-oven-grease stuff for body lotion? why has nobody shot him yet?

when I had calmed down from my first shock, I realized I must have laughed so hard, I had peed on my kitchen floor.

http://www.thekitchenoflove.com

I don't know what to say.

check this out

http://www.vekay.com/titanic.html

found that one today, and with all the weird stuff going on around, this is a good laugh. enjoy.

my day

here I sit, with a glass of white and a scented candle that I paid 15 bucks for. never done that before, and I am totally aware that "scented candle" awakes dubious connotations, but I don't care. it's pumpkin and chestnut, and it's like autumn in a jar.

rehearsals went okay today. we finally finished the new play, and I am quite pleased with the outcome of the story. now we have another week to practise and yell at each other before we're opening. performances tonight went okay, as well. riding my bike back home, I couldn't quite believe this is how I make my living, but I guess it just is.

strangely, I keep thinking of this story my dad told me years ago. I don't remember where or when, but he came to ask me the following: "Imagine you had two bottles of wine, one very good one, and one cheap one. which one would you have first?" he then told me he would have the cheap one first, and spare the good one for later. and that was where I did and still do disagree: I would always have the good one first. and it's the same today: son, he will say, I am worried about your job beig unstable, and the pay little and random at times. the are certain sacrifices you have to make in order to obtain a certain level of security. and me, I would say, dad, listen, I know how you feel, but right now, security is not what I want. I want to get drunk on the good bottle. and if it's really good, I'll be so drunk I won't even notice the other one might be cheaper. there may not even be a "later", and I have always sucked at economizing. but I've been alright so far.

and I get to make my own choice.

well

so much to do, so little time. tax declaration. rehearsals. sports. preparing three readings. finishing my play. sports. washing the dishes. sports. and what do I do? I write about this in my blog, and I couldn't think of anything more boring. I guess I should hit myself on the head with a frying pan a little.

But really, I guess I'm not so sure about what to post and what to keep to myself. that's the thing with this little blog: how honest is too honest? should I be censoring myself for the benefit of the three people who actually visit my blog every other month? but then why did I start it in the first place? I want to write about stuff that irks and disgusts and fascinates me, and I want to not care about what someone else might think. have done that long enough. and the thing with liking to be liked by people you don't like is just: it's damn tiring. so we shall call that quits. how nice.

when you have too much time on your, er, hand

one night we had too much wine, and this is one of the little videos we shot.

and happy birthday, dad.

how do you not go crazy sometimes?

yeah, I know, life is this balance thing with all its ups and downs. and if you're really lucky, they take turns at about the right amount. most of us believe we can interfere, you know, do good so good is done to us. some people call that karma, even though I am not so sure of the whole concept. what if that's all crap? and eventually, no one out there in the universe gives a shit? and you have to decide for yourself how much you put in, how much you bully and get bullied?

isn't karma the next best religious craving? you give and give, and you hope for some better ever after, even if it's next week? oh, please let it be next week. this is so prereformative, and mostly harboured by those who call themselves "modern and enlightened people". life is not fair. if I learned one thing over the last couple of years, it is that. sure, I mostly try to not do to others what I don't want to have them do to me, but I realised that you can feel pretty alone with that kind of attitude. I'm not being bitter. but many a story has up to today taken some surprising turn, and it was only me and my idealism in the end. and I always thought of the two of us as siamese twins, but maybe it's time to go into surgery. uh, tricky metaphor, you know, assuming we both could, like, die... and I didn't even want to get philosophical tonight.

no, I am just wondering how the karma thing works. is one allowed to even ask this question? or is that bad karma already? does this have some kind of system, like on weight watchers? who made the point measurements, and who keeps an eye on the charts and accounts? what happens when I mean to do good, and completely unconsciously do harm to someone? or do I have to do my good deeds in public, so that people will see how enourmously clever I really am? and next time, we call the whole thing networking and stop kidding ourselves?

I seriously don't know.

good morrow

why is it that sometimes cheap wine feels fine, and the expensive stuff gives you a headache? or is it my socialist liver that inherently boycots the posh?

or maybe, with about fifteen years of cheapo big bottle experience, my system is simply unable to digest wine that's more than 3,99. but that's a good thing, right?

and just like that, life is good again

the sun is out. at last. and everything seems lighter and easier at once. no need to procrastinate anymore, how cool is that. and the phone rings, and it's good messages only. and all bills paid, all dishes washed- all thanks to summer that has finally arrived. makes you smile. makes you enjoy everything so much more. the narrow streets with their same old cafés- now filled with people in shorts, laughing. and the streets don't feel so narrow anymore.
it has been one long, dark winter, and now it's over. awesome.